Dear soulmate:

Darling,

You must forgive me! Life has been terribly hectic, thus I haven’t had an opportunity to mail you any letters or send not one but two birthday cards to you. Since your birthday is quickly approaching, I figured this would be the best. (Don’t worry I still prefer hand written letters to this.)

Did you ever watch When Nietzsche Wept? If there is a television and DVD player in a nearby village please let me know. For I will mail this to you. Given our experience with The Dream Team, I know you will picture Motor Mouth saying, “Isn’t this ironic?” And Lucy chirping up with one of his rants, then Pinky will be in the background turning red.

Recently I was in your hometown. While I was there, I reached the conclusion that the Guilford crowd is nothing more than a horrific science experiment (e.g. nothing more than a bunch of artificial robots.)

I desperately wished that you could have teleported there and experienced the madness along with me. You know me far to well…and know that of course I was ready to start yelling about the collar poppers taking away my freedom. That day I found that there are worse things than the poppers! The fakes, the insincere. I’m baffled why people are so afraid to truly be him or herself….whatever that may be. I respect an individual for being true to him or herself and disregarding the media and society.

It was rather disheartening to watch these kids trying so hard to be obviously something that they will never be. A parade! And I would argue that I’m not placing judgments on anyone…merely stating the obvious. If I had a video camera I would have captured the insanity and played it back for them, perhaps five years down the road. I almost felt embarrassed for them.

Remember my blind neighbor that wasn’t really blind? Now that I’m a homeowner…I’m surrounded by all sorts of entertainment. I’ve been told that I’m “mysterious, evasive, always eluding to something.” Which, who knows, may be a character flaw of mine. Then at the same token, I consider it to be a strength. So what if I speak in riddles. I value my independence and privacy! Yet I am surrounded by overtly nosy people. You know that I don’t have to go into any further detail (as to how much this drives up the fucking wall of China and back down.)

Since the last altercation (with the neighbor that has tried numerous times to hook me up with her obese son that likes to sunbath in his speedo…in the backyard. Yes I have a fairly tall brick wall but sadly I can still see the hot mess.) she has stopped going through my mailbox. After I happily told her, “That’s a felony.”

How long are you going to be in America for? I’m optimistic that you are going to say at least for two weeks. I hope I can make it back to the country to see you. My French is still terrible (but nonetheless…I’m trying!) Speaking of which…if you go to Charlotte (scope out Amelie’s in NoDa.)
I suppose since my last letter, that I haven’t told you that I’ve joined the Police Academy. No darling, I have not had an aneurysm. No, I have no intention of becoming a cop. So why am I doing it? Who knows…I just wanted to experience it. I also thought it would be exciting. Exciting would be an understatement. It’s intense. After last week, I vowed that I’ll need a nerve pill and tequila before I go to class. Seven more weeks until I graduate from the Academy. We even get to shoot machine guns. (I wish I could see your reaction as you are reading this.)

Surprisingly I ended up doing pretty well in the race. I believe around 350 people showed up. All the money that was raised was donated to the local women’s shelters. If I were bipolar, the past couple of weeks would definitely be my manic stage. Lately I’ve been drawing and painting like an addict. I’ve also started composing some tunes on the piano. I still don’t have any clue how to swim (yet I have a swimming pool, typical eh?) That is on my to do list though! I know, I say that every year. I don’t know when I’ll have the time for this…but I really want to take lessons to learn how to fly a plane. No I don’t have a desire to become an airplane pilot.

I miss you terribly...and wish I could be there to celebrate your birthday!
Yours truly,
Flossie

Attached are some photos (updates of the house, etc.)